


Bucky's first Christmas

by AliBarnes



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Christmas, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 17:26:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9000019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliBarnes/pseuds/AliBarnes
Summary: It's Christmas at the tower and Bucky Barnes is feeling very alone.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my small offering for a Christmas secret Santa exchange.

Staring at the ceiling above his bed, Bucky struggles against his own mind, fighting through the fog to try and remember the life he once had. All week he's watched as the others get excited and swap stories of Christmases past and share family traditions. As the days passed, he found himself spiralling deeper and deeper into despair- he hasn't got one memory to share, one tradition to keep, and the complete loneliness and emptiness of this is killing him inside. 

Not wanting to bring everyone else down, he's spent more and more time alone, staring hard at the ceiling above and fighting to try and trap just one trace of Christmas gone by. Well, he could tell you where every mark or crack in the paintwork is, but he still can't picture a single Christmas with friends or family, and it hurts. 

Groaning, Bucky rolls over and gets up. Not wanting to hear yet another story from Wanda about what traditional dish she plans to cook, or another way that Clint always makes Christmas special for his kids, Bucky pulls on sweats and trainers and heads out for a run. Christmas Day is meant to be for friends and family but Bucky plans on spending it alone. 

As he steps into the elevator, Bucky hears Steve calling his name. Contemplating letting the doors slide shut, he sticks his foot in the door and waits for Steve. 

"Hey Buck, don't forget Wanda is cooking dinner for 2pm. She wants us all to bring our gifts to the dinner as that's what she has always done since she was a kid." Steve is already turning away before Bucky can speak. 

"Don't wait for me Steve, I think I'm just gonna grab a sandwich in my room later." Before Steve can argue, Bucky let's the doors close and heads off for his run. 

 

Steve watches Bucky as the doors obscure him from view. Bucky always used to be such a kid at Christmas - he loved the lights, playing games, drinking too much and singing too loud. It was his favourite holiday. Steve wants to see that spark in Bucky's eye again and heads off to find Tony to see if he can lend a hand. 

An hour later, Steve's arms are loads with boxes as he walks through the kitchen. Natasha and Wanda are arguing over the best eggnog recipe and what brand of rum to use. "Hey, Nat, can you give me a hand with this?"

"Sure - what are we up to?" She eyes all the boxes in his arms and grins. "Finally! Let's go sort that Grinch out!"

Tasting the eggnog, Wanda looks up from the hob. A rosy glow on her cheeks, she winks at Steve. "All going to plan here Steve. I think I've got everything you asked for anyway, just trying to work out what some of it is! What's a yam?!"

"Google it," Steve says with a laugh. 

 

As Bucky runs through the sleet and snow, his mind finally starts to feel clear and at peace. He feels a little foolish for saying he wasn't going to Christmas dinner and vows to shower as soon as he gets in and wrap the small gifts he made for everyone that are in the back of his wardrobe. He still can't remember any family Christmases from his past, and certainly never celebrated anything while he was a prisoner. Time to create some new memories with his new family. 

Bucky heads back to the tower and climbs into the elevator. He's in such a rush that he's already stripped down to his underwear when he gets to his floor and dashes off to his room to jump into a steaming hot shower. 

When Bucky opens his door his skids to a halt, eyes wide and mouth open. 

"Why hello there, Seargent Barnes," Natasha says with a wink. She's balanced on a stool above the doorway, pinning a sprig of mistletoe to the ceiling. 

Bucky spies Steve across the other side of the room, balancing on the window ledge. 

"What are you guys up to?" Bucky asks cautiously, suddenly realising his state of undress and holding his sweaty running gear close up his body. 

"Thought you could do with a bit of a kick up the butt to get you in the festive spirit, Buck," Steve says as he clambers down from the window. Bucky looks round his room, usually a tidy and organised space, somewhere to sleep and unwind. 

Grinning like a kid, "you guys trimmed up!" Every surface has a decoration on it. Paper chains hang across the ceiling. Steve flicks a switch and lights go on all round the window. A perfectly festive room!

Climbing down from the stool beside Bucky, Natasha punches him playfully on the arm. 

"Hey guys," Steve says. Bucky and Nat both look over at him. Clearing his throat, he looks up and points at the mistletoe Nat has just finished hanging. 

Shrugging, Nat says, "well it is tradition!" Reaching up she plants a soft kiss on Buckys lips. "Merry Christmas, big boy!" she says with a wink, and slinks off to the kitchen to help Wanda with the dinner. 

Blushing furiously, Bucky thanks Steve for the lights and all the decorations, then dives into the shower. When he emerges ten minutes later he finds a festive jumper on his bed. Attached to it is a post-it note in Wanda's script - 'wear this.' Having decided to totally immerse himself in this whole festive malarkey, Bucky gets dressed and pulls his new festive jumper on over his head. He looks at himself in the mirror, seeing rudolfs bright nose on his chest, and laughs. 

A sudden image enters Bucky's mind, a similar jumper from many years ago, a simple reindeer on a dark blue backdrop, hand knitted by his mother and given to him on Christmas Day. The memory is so clear and so raw that he realises he's stopped breathing. His mother. He can picture his mother's smiling face. 

The image is gone as quickly as it arrived, and Bucky feels his heart rate start to return to normal. The feeling of seeing his mother's face stays with him, along with the cosy glowing feeling of being home. Pulling himself together, he quickly wraps the gifts for everyone and heads into the kitchen. 

The smells wafting down the hallway are mouthwatering, and Bucky hears his stomach start to rumble. As he walks in he sees Wanda and Nat furiously rushing around the table and putting out countless steaming dishes of food. 

As they notice Bucky, they all stop and and just smile at him. "There he is!" Steve says, clapping his arm round Bucky's shoulders. 

"This looks amazing!" Bucky exclaims. There are crackers and party poppers, dishes of yams and cranberries, steaming mountains of fresh vegetables, and the biggest turkey Bucky had ever clapped his eyes on! 

Bucky feels his emotions getting the better of him, his eyes filling with tears. The elevator door pings and Clint walks in with the whole family, his arms laden with gifts. Tony helps him distribute them according to wanda's table plan. 

Bucky can't stop smiling even as he wipes away a few tears. This is family. This is the true meaning of Christmas. As everyone sits down to eat, Wanda grudgingly let's tony carve the turkey. There is laughter and jokes, the happy sounds of children playing with plastic cracker toys. The food tastes so delicious that Bucky loads up a second plateful without hesitation. 

When it is time to exchange gifts, Bucky watches nervously as everyone opens his gifts. Hand carved key rings, each one unique and beautiful. 

"Perfect!" Tony exclaims "you all needed a keyring to put your new personal trackers on! I'm sick of not being able to find you guys when I need to". As everyone opens their gift from tony, they see that it is indeed a gps tracker. 

Sitting back in his chair, Bucky soaks up the atmosphere, enjoying the contented sighs of the others as they sip wine and complain that they have eaten far too much to ever move again. Bucky knows no one can ever replace his family, but for the first time in a really long time he feels like he is home. 

Bucky sees Steve sneak out of the room, and when he comes back in he has a large box in him arms. 

"Here you go, Buck, my gift to you." He deposits the box on Bucky's lap. The box isn't wrapped or sealed, and as Bucky goes to lift a flap he hears a tiny yap come from inside the box. 

"Steve?" Bucky looks at his friend with wide eyes. Steve just stands there grinning like a Cheshire Cat. Looking back at the box, Bucky lifts the flaps open. Inside is a tiny black puppy, scrabbling to climb out of the box. 

Reaching inside with his right hand, Bucky carefully scoops the ball of fur into his arms, where it proceeds to try to climb up hid chest and nibble on his nose. Bucky looks at Steve again. 

"The one thing you begged your mum for, year after year, was a puppy. Well, I saw this little fella at the shelter and couldn't bear the thought of him spending his first Christmas alone. You seemed to need a companion in your life, so here he is."

The puppy is chomping happily on the ends of Bucky's hair, and Clint's children are elbowing each other out of the way to try and get in line for a cuddle. Passing the pup into their care, Bucky stands and embraces Steve. They squeeze each other hard and Bucky thanks him. 

Looking around the table, all eyes on him, Bucky knows he may spend the rest of his life unlocking memories of christmases past, but his new family have certainly managed to make his first Christmas with them one to not forget.


End file.
